Distance Demon Jokes
Signs that you might NOT be a Distance Demon:
- It's all you can do to run to the kitchen for more ice cream.
- While training, you are passed by an old man with a walker.
- You scream "Stampede!" at the start of every race.
- Your joints pop louder than fireworks when you stretch.
- Your longest run was around the block. Well, most of the way around.
- That big finish line kick always ends with a crawl and a whimper.
- You can't help skipping and whistling while you run.
- You faint at the sound of the starter's pistol.
- You look for an ambulance at the end of each race.
- Your family cheers for everyone but you.
- You cry at the sight of a hill.
- You roll down hills because you like the way the grass tickles.
Signs that are qualified to be a Distance Demon:
- You look like a mud magnet.
- You wonder when the sprinters are going to begin their workout, even after they are finished.
- You view hills as your secret weapons and have nasty visions of your competitors crawling up them with a whimper.
- You keep running when most people are afraid to
- You say words like "hydrate" just to see your friends look confused.
- You drink more water in a day than most kids do in a week.
- "Roadkill" is the word you use in referring to runners you leave in the dust.
- You think of pasta as a family friend.
- You can handle more pain than most of your friends combined and you view it as a "good challenge."
- You would rather have a new personal record (PR) than a shiny medal.
- Every time you go past a park you think about what a nice place it would be for a run.
Distance Demon Quotes
"Somewhere...someone is training when you are not. When you race him,
he will win.
- Tom Fleming
"Running is the classical road to self-consciousness,
self-awareness and self-reliance."
- Noel Carroll
"Patience is the key to the development of a
championship distance runner."
"There's no such thing as a bad carbohydrate."
"Why dost thou run so many miles about?"
- William Shakespeare's Richard III
"2 percent joyful participation, 98% dedication."
- Rob de Castello's formula for success in running
"I was out training one black night when I heard a noise.
I turned around and saw a leopard. I threw some stones
at him and he went away, so I went on my way."
- Filbert Bayi, on training in Tanzania
(and you think your own training is challenging!)
"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'"
- Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian marathon Olympian
"I can't think of a sport -- with the exception of swimming -- where people train as hard."
- Sebastian Coe
"Any runner who denies having fears, nerves or some kind of disposition is a bad athlete, or a liar."
- Gordon Pirie
In the achievement of greater performances, of beating formidable rivals, the athlete defeats fear and conquers himself."
"Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go."
- PattiSue Plumer, U.S. Olympian
"Road racing is rock 'n roll; track is Carnegie Hall."
- Marty Liquori
"Never take the lead unless you really want it, and if you take it, do something with it."
- Tom Courtney, Olympic champion
"The race is not always to either the swift or the strong, but to the clever, the skillful, and the constantly wary."
- Ken Doherty
"Time is the enemy."
- Sam Dee, coach
"You can always overtake in long-distance running without letting others smell the hurry in you."
- Colin Smith
"The human body can do so much. Then the heart and spirit must take over."
- Sohn Kee-Chung, Korean Olympian
"Bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible."
- William Shakespeare
"God has given me the ability. The rest is up to me. Believe, believe, believe."
- Billy Mills before winning the Tokyo Olympics 10,000 meters
"If you want to win a race, you have to go a little berserk."
"Most people run a race to see who is fastest. I run a race to see who has the most guts."
"The gun goes off and everthing changes--the world changes--and nothing else really matters."
- Patti Sue Plummer
"No negative thoughts cross my mind on race day. When I look into
their eyes, I know I'm going to beat them."
- Danny Harris
